The Transition Curve

I'm not sure if any of you have ever heard about or seen the transition curve. It is a document with all the different feelings you might encounter when going through changes or transitions. The SIM Nigeria personnel director showed it to me and asked if I had been feeling any of the emotions mentioned/could I relate at all to the transition curve. After taking some time to look at it, I was able to think back over the past 2-3 weeks I have spent here and remember moments when I was feeling some of the emotions mentioned. I think taking some time now to let you know what I realized will be helpful in keeping you up to date on how I am doing and how you can better pray for me.

The curve is basically in the shape of a "v" or a "u". There are three main parts of the curve. The top of the left side is ENDINGS. At the bottom is the NEUTRAL ZONE. At the top right is the NEW BEGINNING.

Under ENDINGS the feelings, in order, are disengagement, disidentification, celebration, disenchantment, closure, disorientation, contentment, denial, and disappointment.  The first few days here I think I could relate to feeling disidentification, disenchantment, disorientation, and disappointment. I was in a new environment, meeting new people. There wasn't much familiar to me and not much for me to identify with at first. I think I was amazed I was actually in Nigeria and didn't know what to do with myself. Like I mentioned in previous posts, I had a lot of rest time the first week here and that just made it harder for me. There are so many sounds, smells, and sights that I am not used to here. I was a bit disoriented. The disappointment came when I realized I had expectations and those expectations were not fulfilled (more on this later).

Under NEUTRAL ZONE the feelings, in order, are emptiness, chaos, confusion, anxiety, low productivity, and discovery. Some feelings I could relate to are chaos, confusion, anxiety, and low productivity. I am a planner and like to know what's going on. I have quickly figured out that I am just going to have to get over that while I am here. Almost nothing goes according to plan. Still, I needed to make a tentative schedule for myself. It has been a bit chaotic trying to decide how to spend my time. The confusion has come with several plans falling through. I wake up each morning not knowing exactly what i'm going to do that day. Some days I feel anxious because I want to be doing more than I am. I think this also has to do with my expectations that I didn't realize I had. I haven't felt very productive since being here but maybe my view of productivity is different from God's view. Playing, sitting, and going over the alphabet with children does not seem productive to me. But spending time with these orphans is showing God's love to them and showing God's love to others is never a waste. I think God is trying to teach me about what being productive means and how people are more important than accomplishing tasks.

Under the NEW BEGINNING the feelings, in order, are reorientation, inner realignment, feelings of motivation, anticipation, and embracing new dreams and visions. Adena, the personnel director, said that it can take a while to come out of the NEUTRAL ZONE and into the NEW BEGINNING. She said that it is very possible for me to never experience the NEW BEGINNING emotions during my 2 months here. I would say that I am currently in the NEUTRAL ZONE. Sometimes I feel sad that I may never reach the NEW BEGINNING. Then I have to remind myself that God's timing is perfect.

I hope that this post hasn't got any of you thinking that I am not enjoying my time here. Oh, quite contrary! I am very glad that I am here. God is teaching and growing me in ways I would not have expected. I guess that's what He does, right?